Learning to Let Go of Time

Lately God has been teaching me to give up my time.

I savor the golden coins of my waking hours. Much of my time is carefully designated into a weekly/daily schedule so that a small part of my day, the set aside, scraped together, intentionally saved minutes when I can be alone, is available in order to do the things that bring me life: poring over my Bible, pondering and adding to my list of one thousand gifts, writing in my journal, writing online, penning letters by hand, creating art, knitting, reading a book.

Joy and refreshment come from time spent with others. Family time, friend time, husband time, mother-daughter time, sister time. And even though I am by nature an extroverted person, my heart's true means of revitalization comes from these golden moments of aloneness. Perhaps if I was more spiritual, I would find that simply communing face to face with God was the complete source of my soul's renewal, but I find (and hope) that, as Francis Schaeffer said, I use my creativity "to the glory of God, not just as tracts, mind you, but as things of beauty to the praise of God. An art work can be a doxology in itself."

Time is precious. It slips away. Since becoming a mother, I am even more aware of how time flies, as my daughter crawls, then walks, then talks within a year. Alone time becomes a priceless gem! Tasks take more time with an almost-toddler. Getting ready to leave the apartment is an arduous process, one that used to take a few minutes, and now can stretch into half an hour, what with re-filling the baby's bag with necessary items, one more diaper change, getting water bottles and snacks, trying not to rush tiny curious hands through the process, enduring the inevitable tantrum when she is put into the car seat... it takes a while.

Everyday tasks, my loving family, events with friends, conversations over cups of tea, grocery store runs, teaching students, and all the rest... sometimes it feels like my time can't be stretched any further.

Then God tosses a surprise into my serene plans.

A car breaks down.

A friend needs help.

An illness crashes plans for the week.

The baby, teething, refuses to sleep at night.

Sometimes good things, sometimes hard things make my plans spin, whirl, and settle again into a new pattern.

I used to resent this.

Now I am learning to accept it.

In the midst of this truth slowly blossoming in my heart, God (once again) sends a timely message straight to my ears in the form of a man's words spoken from a pulpit: "Humility is this: letting go of what you know, your own agenda, to hold onto what you cannot control. Humility does not give up; it gives over; it is a transferring of confidence in strength in myself to confidence in the strength of the Lord."

Is this what you're trying to teach me, Lord?

I try to cling to time. Sometimes I feel like Gollum stroking the One Ring: "My precious, my preciousssss... must be in control of my own time! Mustn't let anything disrupt my plans, precioussss. I neeeeeeds that alone time! I neeeeds that careful schedule!"

And yet the Word says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

Pride, inner self-sufficiency, tends to put my own thoughts on the throne. Letting God use my time according to his purposes puts the crown back on Him.

Humility is working its way into my soul, a smaller view of my own importance. A loosening of my hands on the time that has been graciously bestowed upon me. And yet I know that in the Great Dance of Life, I am considered to be of utmost value. Why else would the Creator of the Universe send his only Son to die for me? So there is comfort in the love of Christ even as he gently lifts my eyes from staring down at my busy calender and up towards his purposes.

Thank you, Lord, for the blessed gift of time.

~ Springtime rain making the world green again

~ Keeping my temper through a long night of Harmony teething

~ New herbs, flowers, and tomato plants growing in pots on the patio

~ Green smoothies from mom's place for Harmony and I to enjoy

~ Hearing GRACE over and over again this weekend, just as I need it the most

~ Finding perfect summer clothes for a shockingly low price at the new thrift store.

~ The beautiful completion of the study of Hebrews with the women at church

~ Rejoicing in hope of the glory of God (Rom. 5:2)

~ Harmony beginning to walk

~ Making it safely home in the car through rain-flooded streets during a stormy night

~ The re-opening of the farmer's market for local produce

~ Generous gifts of hand-me-downs and toys for Harmony from friends

~ Joy for those who plan peace (Prov. 12:20b)