Suns rise unseen behind the winter clouds, then disappear in golden rays.
My muscles strengthen. Arms are strong now from carrying a baby. I fight a cough. Then a sinus infection. Health returns and wavers and pushes back.
A tendril of fear whispers. I turn again to my gratitudes, written on paper, hidden in my heart, to remember why I no longer have to let fear be my guide.
Harmony cuddles under the blankets in the morning with me. She smiles, says "mama", my heart melts.
Grace becomes my Word for 2013.
Of course, I massively fail at Grace the very next day. And the next day. And the next day. And last night.
The counted blessings help me back to the throne where Grace pours freely down.
~ Skillet apple pie, a new Sunday family tradition
~ Two bags of clothes for Harmony from a kind friend
~ Being treated like real family by church family, like the body of Christ is meant to be
~ Unexpected recording session with a local composer
~ Winter walks in warm weather
~ Keeping my temper throughout an entire sleepless night with the baby
~ Flat tire repaired instead of replaced
~ Nick safely home from deployment
~ Meditating on this verse: "From the fullness of His grace we have all received one blessing after another." - John 1:16
~ Surprise gift: a stitch marker shaped like a panda!
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Take a Moment. Yes, THIS moment. Please?
I'm learning to prioritize in a new way lately. Now that Harmony is here, there is little time for all of the creative projects I love. If I didn't make time for SOME creative output, though, I'd go crazy! Right now, there are three baskets of laundry waiting to be put away, the dishes from last night's dinner are still in the sink, and I haven't taken a shower yet... but doing a bit of writing and thinking are what will keep me sane for today, so that's what I'm taking the time to do right now. And Harmony is still asleep. So I have a few minutes. Maybe.
Anyway, she's adorable and all that, so she makes this newly hectic schedule totally worth it : )
Blogging has seriously fallen by the wayside, as I expected it would. Writing in my journal (yes, I still write with a pen and paper too, I'm that old-fashioned) has also taken a nose-dive. But counting my blessings has not! One thing that this list-making of gratefulness has done is open my eyes to how much I have to be thankful for, all the time, even when things are hard.
Being sick for weeks and weeks is hard. Yet when I wanted to complain, my mind (or maybe conscience? or the Holy Spirit? Yeah, probably that) would bring a positive blessing to counteract the negative thought.
I still complained.
But the blessings continued to multiply.
And the Lord blessed me by making me see them.
My journal where I keep physical remembrances of gratefulness is back on the coffee table. It takes only a few seconds to record a moment. So that's what I'm doing again. Not so I can feel proud of achieving a goal... it's so I can be humbled by the goodness given to my life, even when I think that things are rough.
Can I encourage you to take a moment today and think of three things that you are grateful for?
Gratitude really changes everything.
Here are some of the highlights since I last posted here:
Hand-me-down clothes from generous friends
Seventeen days of Olympics
Renewed energy after being sick
Sleeping for four hours straight
The gift of perspective as I walk through the years
Harmony's first laugh
Preparing to delve into the book of Hebrews
The peace found in trusting the promises of God
Sweet neighbors moving in next door
The joy of Dr. Seuss newly discovered for Harmony
Skillet apple pie on Sunday; a new tradition
Knowing that I am "crowned with glory and honor" (Psalm 8:6)
Cold weather finally, a welcome break from the drought
Beautiful botanical garden free for morning walks
God gently teaching me to not live my life in fear
Anyway, she's adorable and all that, so she makes this newly hectic schedule totally worth it : )
Blogging has seriously fallen by the wayside, as I expected it would. Writing in my journal (yes, I still write with a pen and paper too, I'm that old-fashioned) has also taken a nose-dive. But counting my blessings has not! One thing that this list-making of gratefulness has done is open my eyes to how much I have to be thankful for, all the time, even when things are hard.
Being sick for weeks and weeks is hard. Yet when I wanted to complain, my mind (or maybe conscience? or the Holy Spirit? Yeah, probably that) would bring a positive blessing to counteract the negative thought.
I still complained.
But the blessings continued to multiply.
And the Lord blessed me by making me see them.
My journal where I keep physical remembrances of gratefulness is back on the coffee table. It takes only a few seconds to record a moment. So that's what I'm doing again. Not so I can feel proud of achieving a goal... it's so I can be humbled by the goodness given to my life, even when I think that things are rough.
Can I encourage you to take a moment today and think of three things that you are grateful for?
Gratitude really changes everything.
Here are some of the highlights since I last posted here:
Hand-me-down clothes from generous friends
Seventeen days of Olympics
Renewed energy after being sick
Sleeping for four hours straight
The gift of perspective as I walk through the years
Harmony's first laugh
Preparing to delve into the book of Hebrews
The peace found in trusting the promises of God
Sweet neighbors moving in next door
The joy of Dr. Seuss newly discovered for Harmony
Skillet apple pie on Sunday; a new tradition
Knowing that I am "crowned with glory and honor" (Psalm 8:6)
Cold weather finally, a welcome break from the drought
Beautiful botanical garden free for morning walks
God gently teaching me to not live my life in fear
Monday, August 13, 2012
A Moment of Grace
I was driving to an appointment this evening, along one of my favorite stretches of road. The roads here can be large and industrial, or like this one, winding and wooded. I had my windows rolled down, the cool evening breeze blowing into the car. There was banjo music on the radio, the sun was setting into that golden green color, and as I turned the bend in the road, I saw them: two deer.
It was just a second where the deer looked at me (and who knows what a car moving at 30 mph looks like to a deer); but it was a moment where my brain said, "Stop! This is what Beauty looks like... this is the world God has made for you to enjoy... enjoy it!"
on the way home from my appointment, I "saw" these moments, too...
... a favorite song heard with new ears...
... the moment when twinkle lights are turned on, transforming darkness into delight...
... the hope that change and growth really are realities and not just a dream...
... and yet, the sweetness of accepting things just as they are...
... the thrill of driving a gorgeous road (has to be one of my favorite things; if I had all the money in the world to burn, I'd do it by driving scenic highways and byways)...
... Honey the dog excited to welcome me back...
... my church building, beautiful in the evening twilight.
It was just a second where the deer looked at me (and who knows what a car moving at 30 mph looks like to a deer); but it was a moment where my brain said, "Stop! This is what Beauty looks like... this is the world God has made for you to enjoy... enjoy it!"
on the way home from my appointment, I "saw" these moments, too...
... a favorite song heard with new ears...
... the moment when twinkle lights are turned on, transforming darkness into delight...
... the hope that change and growth really are realities and not just a dream...
... and yet, the sweetness of accepting things just as they are...
... the thrill of driving a gorgeous road (has to be one of my favorite things; if I had all the money in the world to burn, I'd do it by driving scenic highways and byways)...
... Honey the dog excited to welcome me back...
... my church building, beautiful in the evening twilight.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
A Time to Hope
Lyssa reminded me that I hadn't posted here in a while... it's true. And I don't have the same life changes as she does to counter as an appropriate excuse. Sometimes it just feels like I'm moving from moment to moment without really stopping... that's been the whole point of this blog. To stop, to look, to rejoice. I haven't really made an effort to stop and rejoice in what God has given.
The last few months have been full of a lot of joy and sorrow and even a little healing for my soul. A few things I am thankful for...
... a friend's new child, born to parents who love her, who already are anxious to provide her with a safe, happy, challenging life...
... the opportunity to see far-flung friends, to travel and to host friends, to fellowship and to cry without fear, to feel safe and loved...
... generous and unexpected gifts, given out of a desire for growth and the use of gifts...
... a safe place to talk, to grieve, to process...
... baseball...
... small moments of hope...
... small moments of hope...
... new ideas, the desire to write, the need for perseverance - Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Before You Were Born
I am always in one of two opposite states of mind lately: either I am completely at peace with still being pregnant, or I am impatiently frustrated that the baby isn't here yet. Tomorrow the little one will be full term at forty weeks; while I'm not counting on him/her coming on the due date, every day is still full of anticipation that it might be THE birth-day. Keeping myself occupied with small tasks, relaxing hobbies, and everyday routines is the best way to not worry about the baby coming or not.
As I was reading through the Psalms last night, a particular passage from Psalm 71 leaped to my attention.
For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth.
Upon you I have leaned from before my birth;
you are He who took me from my mother's womb.
My praise is continually of you.
While certainly making use of poetic language, these verses make me ponder God's incredible plans that He has for us. What joy there is in trusting the God who cared for me even before I was born!
86. A dining room table from a garage sale, big enough to seat guests finally
87. Witnessing God's powerful mercy working in a man's life at church
88. Surprise of extra money coming from an unexpected lottery ticket; God works in mysterious ways
89. The blessing of being a two-car family
90. Dried herbs sweet-smelling
91. An entire day spent with Chris
92. Wonderful books and dvds to rent at the local library
93. Em getting a job within a few days of job-searching
94. Tasty pregnancy tea (iced) from Cheryl's Herbs
95. Our church beginning a summer of memorizing Scripture together
96. Extra hours at work for Chris when his schedule is sparse
97. Evening walks with Chris in the cool almost-night air
98. Watching a documentary about Michelangelo with church friends
99. Beanbag pillow making our bed mattress more comfy, as pregnancy makes sleeping difficult
100. New baby raccoon visiting my patio!
As I was reading through the Psalms last night, a particular passage from Psalm 71 leaped to my attention.
For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth.
Upon you I have leaned from before my birth;
you are He who took me from my mother's womb.
My praise is continually of you.
While certainly making use of poetic language, these verses make me ponder God's incredible plans that He has for us. What joy there is in trusting the God who cared for me even before I was born!
86. A dining room table from a garage sale, big enough to seat guests finally
87. Witnessing God's powerful mercy working in a man's life at church
88. Surprise of extra money coming from an unexpected lottery ticket; God works in mysterious ways
89. The blessing of being a two-car family
90. Dried herbs sweet-smelling
91. An entire day spent with Chris
92. Wonderful books and dvds to rent at the local library
93. Em getting a job within a few days of job-searching
94. Tasty pregnancy tea (iced) from Cheryl's Herbs
95. Our church beginning a summer of memorizing Scripture together
96. Extra hours at work for Chris when his schedule is sparse
97. Evening walks with Chris in the cool almost-night air
98. Watching a documentary about Michelangelo with church friends
99. Beanbag pillow making our bed mattress more comfy, as pregnancy makes sleeping difficult
100. New baby raccoon visiting my patio!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Coming to Rest in "Mystery"
Most people like a good mystery. At least in stories or movies, as long as the mystery has a definite solution to provide closure and satisfaction at the end. But what about real life mystery? What about the kinds of mystery that involve our own lives, the mysterious questions of "who am I", "what is my purpose", "why do these things happen to me"? Even deeper than that is the question "is there Someone out there who has planned these Mysteries, and knows the answers to them"?
I've been pondering "mystery" this week. Our church has been meditating on the first fourteen verses of Ephesians, with verses nine and ten being used as a passage for memorization:
"In all wisdom and insight God has made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His purpose, which He set forth in Christ, as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in Him, things in heaven and things on earth."
It's a relief to realize that some things are MEANT to be a mystery, because in spite of my imperfections and mistakes and confusion, God has a purpose for all things in His perfect wisdom. Even if I can't understand all the ups and downs of my life, there is comfort knowing that "for all those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose."
71. Surprise gift card from grandparents
72. Learning to focus on the sweetness of my blessings by deliberately choosing gratitude over resentment in the tough places
73. The love of my Heavenly Father
74. Five bottles of my favorite barbecue sauce on sale for less than a dollar each
75. Finding a surprise stash of yarn for sock-knitting that I'd forgotten about
76. Date night with Chris seeing Shakespeare in the Park: Othello
77. Rainstorm cooling the air
78. Bedroom organized and rearranged, with bassinet all ready
79. Midwife visiting our apartment for my prenatal appointment
80. Raccoon friends from the forest
81. Messages of reassurance from God when I lie sleepless
82. Alec's beautiful guitar playing at the benefit concert
83. Fresh vegetables at the Soulard Farmer's Market
84. Good wishes from everyone for my and the baby's health
85. Chris's employee discount card at the grocery store
I've been pondering "mystery" this week. Our church has been meditating on the first fourteen verses of Ephesians, with verses nine and ten being used as a passage for memorization:
"In all wisdom and insight God has made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His purpose, which He set forth in Christ, as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in Him, things in heaven and things on earth."
It's a relief to realize that some things are MEANT to be a mystery, because in spite of my imperfections and mistakes and confusion, God has a purpose for all things in His perfect wisdom. Even if I can't understand all the ups and downs of my life, there is comfort knowing that "for all those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose."
71. Surprise gift card from grandparents
72. Learning to focus on the sweetness of my blessings by deliberately choosing gratitude over resentment in the tough places
73. The love of my Heavenly Father
74. Five bottles of my favorite barbecue sauce on sale for less than a dollar each
75. Finding a surprise stash of yarn for sock-knitting that I'd forgotten about
76. Date night with Chris seeing Shakespeare in the Park: Othello
77. Rainstorm cooling the air
78. Bedroom organized and rearranged, with bassinet all ready
79. Midwife visiting our apartment for my prenatal appointment
80. Raccoon friends from the forest
81. Messages of reassurance from God when I lie sleepless
82. Alec's beautiful guitar playing at the benefit concert
83. Fresh vegetables at the Soulard Farmer's Market
84. Good wishes from everyone for my and the baby's health
85. Chris's employee discount card at the grocery store
Sunday, June 3, 2012
With Thanksgiving
I've been meditating on the book of Philippians lately. Two passages have been standing out from chapter four. Here is the first:
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.
Reasonableness can also be translated to mean "gentleness", being "considerate in all you do", "gentle spirit", "moderation", "gracious attitude", "humility", "fairness", "modesty", or "forbearance". I don't see much of those virtues in myself, partly due to my stubborn personality and partly because I have not made it a priority to submit my will and desires to the Holy Spirit, who has been given for my edification. I've been pondering a lot what it might mean in different areas of my life to be reasonable, especially in my interactions with others.
Here is the second passage that has resonated with me:
The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Again the emphasis on giving thanks is making an impact on my heart. How often I approach God simply with petitions or even demands for what I think is best. Yet that's not the way our prayer relationship with God is designed to be: prayer and supplication WITH THANKSGIVING. And from that position of thankfulness to proceed into worship, communion, application, pleas for mercy, wisdom, truth, and much, much more.
56. Final medical tests for prenatal care coming back clear
57. Lavender plants blooming
58. My eyes open to seeing and rejoicing over many blessings
59. Dress shirts that actually fit Chris at the Burlington Coat Factory
60. Surprise mixed CD of music from a fellow blogger I've never met
61. Our church's talented music director
62. Hearing one of my favorite British musicians on the radio in the car
63. Second knitted baby sweater complete
64. Singing thankfulness for God's blessings at small group
65. My mother joining me in the capturing of one thousand gifts
67. Delicious new baked beans recipe
68. Little girl's silly faces
69. Back issues of Real Simple magazine given free by a friend
70. Knowing that I am deeply loved not only by my family, but also by Chris's entire family
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.
Reasonableness can also be translated to mean "gentleness", being "considerate in all you do", "gentle spirit", "moderation", "gracious attitude", "humility", "fairness", "modesty", or "forbearance". I don't see much of those virtues in myself, partly due to my stubborn personality and partly because I have not made it a priority to submit my will and desires to the Holy Spirit, who has been given for my edification. I've been pondering a lot what it might mean in different areas of my life to be reasonable, especially in my interactions with others.
Here is the second passage that has resonated with me:
The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Again the emphasis on giving thanks is making an impact on my heart. How often I approach God simply with petitions or even demands for what I think is best. Yet that's not the way our prayer relationship with God is designed to be: prayer and supplication WITH THANKSGIVING. And from that position of thankfulness to proceed into worship, communion, application, pleas for mercy, wisdom, truth, and much, much more.
56. Final medical tests for prenatal care coming back clear
57. Lavender plants blooming
58. My eyes open to seeing and rejoicing over many blessings
59. Dress shirts that actually fit Chris at the Burlington Coat Factory
60. Surprise mixed CD of music from a fellow blogger I've never met
61. Our church's talented music director
62. Hearing one of my favorite British musicians on the radio in the car
63. Second knitted baby sweater complete
64. Singing thankfulness for God's blessings at small group
65. My mother joining me in the capturing of one thousand gifts
67. Delicious new baked beans recipe
68. Little girl's silly faces
69. Back issues of Real Simple magazine given free by a friend
70. Knowing that I am deeply loved not only by my family, but also by Chris's entire family
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